Out Of Character
by Jstonedd
Summary: Crack!Fic. Faberry. "What are you doing?" "Drawing RuPaul, of course." "Aha. And what's the deal with all these hearts?"


**I know, why so many Crack!Fics? Because I can. With my broken leg, I can't do anything else right now. So enjoy :D**

* * *

><p>Okay, Santana is aware of exactly three things.<p>

One, she looks smoking hot today.

Two, she looks smoking hot today and no one seems to really notice her.

Three, she looks absolutely smoking hot and no one seems to really notice her because Brittany and Mike are dancing, Kurt is helping Finn to squeeze his enormous pimple on his chin, Mercedes is eating tater tots, Tina is being silent, Sam is applying lip gloss to his lips, Blaine is singing, Rachel is trying to sing louder than Blaine, and Quinn is drawing something pornographic into her notebook and -

Wait.

Quinn is drawing something pornographic?

Santana straightens herself and tries to look over Quinn's shoulder to see what she's exactly drawing, or better, _who _she is exactly drawing.

"Holy crap," Santana swears, not quiet enough for the blonde to miss it. But instead of quickly clapping the notebook with the scandalous drawing shut, Quinn turns around to face the Latina with a scowl.

"What?"

Santana doesn't know whether to laugh or waste seconds being shocked. She decides not to waste any time. "Is that Berry? _Naked?_"

Quinn shortly glances at her drawing before she defiantly says, "Yeah? And?"

"And?" her friend repeats with disbelief. "That's so freaking gay that even Hummel would feel offended by it. What do you think you're doing?"

"Gay?" Quinn frowns. "Why? I'll post it on the bathroom stalls and then she'll be the laughing stock of McKinley. Sounds like an evil plan to me."

Santana almost feels exasperated at the blonde's _lack of _evilness. When she doesn't answer, Quinn smirks and nods. "See, it's not gay and a good way to bully her."

So she goes back to finishing her _art _while Santana is having an inner conflict with herself. Maybe it's really not gay. Maybe Quinn just doesn't know better.

"Do you think I got her boobies right?" the blonde suddenly turns around and almost shoves the painting into Santana's face, asking her. "And is the proportion of her legs to her body correct?"

The Latina quickly backs away from the naked picture and refrains from gagging.

"Why is that important? Isn't it supposed to humiliate her?"

"Yeah, but no one will know it's her until I draw it exactly. So tell me, did I get her chest right?"

Santana decides to be smarter and not to remark about her friend's strange behaviour. So she finds herself nodding, and when the blonde turns back to drawing again with a satisfied smirk, she is now aware of four things.

She is smoking hot today and no one seems to really notice her because everybody is doing whatever, and Quinn has an odd obsession with drawing Berry's boobies right.

* * *

><p>Days later, with the pornographic drawing attached to a bathroom stall door, Santana manages to catch Rachel's reaction to it.<p>

"I have to admit, while it is creepy to think that there is someone spending so much time picturing me naked and even transforming their fantasy onto paper, it is oddly flattering to see that they've got all my body parts right with admirable precision."

Santana swears she saw Quinn smile proudly into her locker at that.

* * *

><p>A few days later, being bored in the choir room again, Santana debates with herself whether she should look at what Quinn's drawing this time or just ignore her. But she can't ignore the way the blonde glances at Berry every two seconds, so the Latina strides over to her friend and sits next to her.<p>

"Hi," Quinn shortly greets without looking up from her drawing.

Santana is too weirded out to react with shock. "What are you doing?"

"Drawing RuPaul, of course."

"Aha. And what's the deal with all these hearts?"

Quinn shrugged. "Nothing. A little bit random, I have to admit, but who doesn't like to draw hearts around an ugly picture of someone they hate?"

The last time Santana drew hearts around something was a picture of breadsticks. Maybe she shouldn't be so hard on Quinn since being obsessed with breadsticks isn't healthy as well.

"Okay, if you say so."

"Do you think I should fill out the hearts with red color?"

"For all I care."

"And maybe more hearts. To cover up her ugly face."

"Okay."

"You can never draw enough hearts."

"Mhm."

"Oh, how much I love -"

"What?"

"Love to hate her."

"Oh. Okay."

* * *

><p>Santana needs ice. She needs ice for her scotch because she won't be able to survive Spanish class sober. But where to get ice? At the nurse, of course. Though the ice there is to be used for ice bags, she doesn't care.<p>

So she sneaks into the office of the nurse and intends to steal some ice with no one noticing, that's when hears voices.

"And? How does it feel like?"

The Latina stops dead in her tracks and strains her ears to hear better. It is definitely Young Streisand talking.

"How does it feel like? To kiss Quinn?"

Santana thinks that that is a very strange question coming from a very strange person.

"Uh-" is the all-explaining answer. Finn, Santana grimly thinks.

"Does she have soft lips?"

"Huh?"

"Is she a skilled kisser? Does she know how to use her tongue? Is her moan erotic or mind-boggling or arousing? Or all of that?"

"Huh."

"And is she dominant while kissing? Oh I bet she is, I bet she likes having control over me -"

"Uhm."

"Right. Forget what I said. Forget that I asked about how kissing Quinn Fabray would be like. Though I resent using the word 'gay' as an insult due to respect for my fathers who have a sudden appearance in my life now, I think that what I asked was kind of...gay. Oh gosh, now I feel like baking 'I'm sorry' cookies for my fathers because I always bake them in every fanfiction when I've done something stupid."

"Uhhh-"

"It's okay, I don't expect you to ever say something smart in your life, so please don't start now. Bye."

Santana leaves the office after Rachel without any ice and when she drinks her scotch, she downs it in one take.

* * *

><p>Choir room. Again.<p>

"Guys, regionals is approaching and we need a set list," Schuester says, only to get interrupted by Kurt.

"I don't mean to be rude, but – you never do anything for the Glee Club, you leave all the shit to us and you've never helped us before. You just look like the type of guy to jump off a roof because you got caught cheating in an exam, which is pathetic compared to what we've been through. And we don't care about your storyline with Emma at all, it's just taking precious screen time away for the real Glee Club. For example Tina, who hasn't had a solo for a long time now."

Startled, Tina looks up. "Did anyone just call my name?"

That's when Brittany stands up. "I agree. I'm tired of my few lines and when I say something, it's always somehow related to unicorns and Lord Tubbington!"

"Honey, you're being OOC," Santana softly says to her and the blonde deflates. "Right, forget what I said. Unicorns. Now the world's alright again." And she sits down again, pouting, but Santana makes sure to distract her with her lips.

"Oh my God, a Brittana kiss!" Sugar squeals and everybody looks at her. "What? A Brittana kiss is as rare as a Tina-line."

Tina just sadly nods. "True, true. Even Sugar has more lines and screen time than me, and I've been in the Glee Cast since season one."

Mike goes to his girlfriend and lays a soothing around her. "Babe, you've just used up your line."

"You did yours, too." Puck says to Mike before he stomps his foot, "Dammit, I used mine as well."

"See? Even Puck doesn't have any lines anymore. And when he says something, it's never something meaningful," Kurt scoffs.

"I feel guilty," Blaine suddenly says. "I'm taking all your screen time and solos."

"Yeah," Finn comes out of nowhere and objects. "Things were better without you!"

"Oh, shut it," Santana says, rolling her eyes. "You're just bitter that he has more fangirls than you even though he's gay."

"No, he's not star power material," Finn tries to retort.

"But you are?" Mercedes challengingly asks.

"Well, yeah, I'm the main character -"

"Like everybody else in this room," Quinn remarks, not looking up from her drawing.

"And when was your last solo, huh? And please, spare me the pathetic rendition of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' cause you've ruined it," Santana sneers.

"But I thought you liked it -"

"I was trying to hold back my tears of disgust. You had a stinky breath and you were sitting so near to me."

"Guys, guys, I don't think that this is very relevant for Regionals-" Rachel tries to interject.

"What we do in the choir room is never revelant for Regionals," Quinn replies. "We always manage to somehow come up with a choreography and a song we've never discussed about ten minutes before the competition. So please, continue entertaining me."

Everbody is quiet for a few minutes before Rory suddenly says something that no one understands.

"And because of that dude, I have less screen time?" Puck growls. "I can't even understand half of the stuff he says."

"Guys, we should be more tolerant -" Finn tries again.

"Ah, shut up," Kurt says, unnerved. "You're the most intolerant asshole around here."

"How can you – you're my brother!"

"Kurt's right," Mercedes says, crossing her arms. "It's alright if you can screw up and hurt everybody's feelings but it's not okay if your ego gets attacked?"

"Yeah, you have the most instable character here," Sam adds. "You went all gorilla just because Rachel kissed Puck though you weren't together at that time. And when I was with Quinn, you didn't care and still went after her. Not cool, dude."

That's when Quinn stops in her drawing movements and mutters to herself, "Hm, Sam's lips. Like a girl's."

"Thanks, I have fifty-six chapsticks to keep my lips soft and plump," Sam says, grinning.

Santana knows better than to tell him that it isn't exactly a compliment if a boy's lips reminds you of a girl.

"I don't get it, why are you all turning against me, so out of sudden?" Finn asks, confused.

"What do you mean with turning against you?" Santana sneers, "I've never liked you. I'm just showing it more openly recently."

"Yeah, 'cause you look like those stupid fools who would propose in high school."

"But life's too short -"

"And it's gonna get shorter by marrying so early." Kurt remarks.

Finn ignores him and continues, "I just wanna live and I don't want to wait."

"And that's supposed to be valid reason to marry this early?" Quinn questions, her eyes not leaving her painting.

"That dude is so delusional," Puck chuckles. "Marriage is horrible stuff. Let's make a bet guys, if he ever proposes Rachel, I say 100 bucks that they won't last till graduation."

"Double that and I say it's over before the bridal night, no later than Berry realizes that there's nothing between Finnept's legs," Santana adds.

"Wait, who said that I would ever say yes if he asked?" Rachel interjects, holding up her hands. "You know that getting to Broadway has been my only dream since I could breathe, and marrying that anchor is not an option."

"Who knows," Quinn shrugs. "I thought I was fine with losing Beth when I suddenly turned into a skunk -"

"Skank."

"Whatever, and then became crazy with my unhealthy obsession to steal Beth from Shelby. So you might as well have a few changes in character as well."

"But why would I suddenly turn OOC? My only dream is to get into NYADA, and I wanna be STAR. Wait, the last one wasn't an abbreviation."

"Because I'll pressure you into marrying me with stupid reasons like 'I love you', which my expressionless eyes are trying to tell you," Finn explains. "I'll do the pity trip and say something like I'm such a loser, which I am, but you're the only good thing about me."

"Oh, and now I'm so important to you?" Rachel scoffs. "You wouldn't even stand up for me because you cared so much about your reputation!"

"But I've changed -"

"Yeah, and if someone photoshopped your face on a naked body with a brown, little penis which is still prettier than yours, you would still rather force me not to perform on Sectionals than be the bigger man and let it be."

"But that's just how I am! Giant man with tiny brain!"

"That's not an excuse anymore! Maybe it was cute in season one, but now it's freaking annoying."

"It's not fair! Oh poor me had such a hard time accepting the fact that my father isn't a war hero as I made myself believe and now I wanna join the Army because that's so easy and cool!"

"And shallow," Kurt sighs. "Like war is an honourable thing. Get a grip on real life, Finn."

"Yeah, and stop wasting screen time with your ugly face," Tina sneers.

Everybody stares at her.

"OOC?" she asks with a sigh.

Everybody nods.

"Okay, then pretend I haven't said anything. Like always."

"Anyways, I wanna do something big! I wanna make something out of myself," Finn continues to argue, but by now, everybody is tired of him.

"Then start with stop being such a freaking baby," Santana sighs.

"Santana has a point. You've been nothing but rude to me when I first joined the Glee Club," Blaine comments.

"Because I hate guys who look, sing and dance better than me," Finn scoffs, crossing his arms.

"That's really not hard to accomplish," Mercedes says, unimpressed with his antics. "Even Artie can dance better than you."

"But Artie can't use his legs..."

"Exactly."

"Word," Artie nods.

"Random sentence that upsets the Glee Clubbers," Schuester suddenly says.

"Go back to smearing butter in your hair, Schue," Santana angrily retorts. "Your existance is irrelevant for our plot."

"Unicorn."

"Chapstick."

"Abs."

Everbody turns to Tina who suddenly jumps up and starts yelling, "Could you stop staring at me like some zombie whenever I say something? I'm sick and tired of it, don't make such a big deal out of me having a few lines."

"But it is," Kurt carefully points out.

"I could count all the lines you had in season one and two on two hands," Mercedes added.

"Fuck you all," Tina growls and storms out of the choir room, leaving everybody dumbfounded.

"That -"

"Was -"

"Unexpected."

"Yeah, so is giving her so many lines in this fanfiction."

"My diva storm out is better than hers."

Everyone stares at Rachel. "What? I'm trying to be canon here in this cracky little fic."

"ARGH! I STILL CAN'T GET HER ASS RIGHT!" Quinn suddenly shouts, startling everyone else in the room. Santana leans over and sees another pornographic drawing of Berry, this time, the naked girl is on all fours and smiling seductively at Quinn.

"Berry, you and me, bathroom, now. Because that's where all the Faberry scenes happen. And I need the real thing to get my drawing right."

Quinn shoots up from her seat, takes Rachel by hand and pulls her out of the choir room.

"I love you being dominant over me."

"Shut up and let's make Fababies because that's how all our scenes end in this author's fic."

So they left behind a choir room in complete silence. Until -

Finn sighs. "I still don't get it. I never do."

Sam smacks his lips after having applied more chapstick to his lips. "Girl lips don't come without special care."

Puck ruffles his Mohawk. "Maybe I should knock up some girl to get more screen time again."

Blaine turns to Kurt. "What's a day without a Blaine song? Let's sing!"

Mercedes stands up and goes to the canteen. "I hope they have some good tater tots. I can't believe how I always crave for tots though it was just one episode with me loving them. The fandom never forgets."

Artie rolls around in his wheelchair, singing to himself, "Yeah, baby, that's how I roll."

Mike sighs and stands up to find his girlfriend, but not without doing a few dance moves because that's what he is known for.

Santana turns to Brittany. "Wanna do it on the piano in the auditorium? Because we always have to have sex somehow."

They go off to do things which still cannot be mentioned in this fic.

Rory says something in his exaggerated Irish accent which no one can understand. Sugar just nods and looks her fingernails. "Dito."

Schuester looks around and shrugs. "Ignore me, I'm unimportant in this fic."

Somewhere in the distance, everybody hears a female voice wailing.

"I JUST WANT ONE LINE!"


End file.
